Episode 22: Learning how to manage our emotions with Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart
Host: Cindy Hovington, Ph.D.
Producer: Marion Vanhorn, Ph.D.
Guest: Dr. Ann-Louise T. Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP
Dr. Lockhart is a pediatric psychologist, parent coach, author, business owner of a thriving practice in San Antonio, TX: A New Day Pediatric Psychology, PLLC. She is a Board Certified, Clinical Child, and Adolescent Psychology. Dr. Lockhart is also a highly sought-after speaker and writer on multiple platforms speaking on parenting childhood diagnoses, executive functioning, and racism. “My why is to help educate, inspire, and support others so they can heal and be set free. My why is to help people realize, know, and accept they are meant for so much more than to just suffer through and survive this life.”
Experience
Dr. Lockhart is a West Indian woman, a wife of 22 years, a mom of 2 kids, and has over 15 years of experience as a pediatric psychologist.
She specializes in working with clients who present with medical diagnoses and are seeking alternative solutions. She also serves as a parent coach for parents who have kids with ADHD, anxiety, and behavioral concerns. She also helps high-performing professionals and athletes overcome mental blocks that impact their peak performance. Dr. Lockhart works closely with medical subspecialists, pediatricians, allied professionals, and school personnel.
Dr. Lockhart has spoken nationally at schools, conferences, online podcasts, summits, and corporate workshops for topics about ADHD, executive functioning, and racism.
She has been interviewed and quoted in multiple online and print publications, including the New York Post, New York Times, Pure Wow, MSN, Fatherly, San Antonio Magazine, Veronica Beard, Parents Magazine, and Therapy for Black Girls podcast. She is a Freelance Writer for PureWow, PBS Kids for Parents, and a Contributor to The Gottman Institute. Dr. Lockhart also serves as a Board Member for the VeryWell Review Board.
Dr. Lockhart received her bachelor's degree in psychology from Canisius College and her master's and a doctoral degree from the Arizona School of Professional Psychology (Clinical Psychology). She completed her doctoral internship and two-year post-doctoral fellowship both at the San Antonio Military Medical Center and Wilford Hall Medical Center.
Summary:
Our automatic response to our child acting out or having a tantrum might be to yell. Then, we fall into a cycle of guilt and tell ourselves that we won’t do it again. Hello spilled milk and cue yelling! Sound familiar? There are ways to work on ourselves to help regulate our own emotions and according to research, regulating ourselves is one of the best ways to help our children learn to regulate their own emotions. Today, I am speaking with Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart about emotion regulation. She offers you tons of advice and techniques you can start applying today! My favorite is visualization using our senses.
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Key Messages:
Regulation is a way to balance yourself. To be in a state that, in spite of everything going on around you., your behavior, thoughts, emotions, and mindset are in somewhat of a balance, even if something brings you off track, you can bring yourself back into balance.
When we are out of balance, we lose control more.
Interoception, is a sense that allows you to monitor your internal state (when you are hungry or tired, for instance). When we are not in balance, we are not able to monitor this.
Most of us don't pay attention to our internal body state with our emotions. It has to do with the message you were told as a child. If you were told, when you were angry to stop crying and to "just stop", if you were not allowed these emotions then you will not know what to do with them. This will lead to stuffing your emotions, exploding, or negative self-talk.
"My feelings are valid, whether or not people validate them"
Include the self talk "of course I am frustrated, I have been home for months with my 4 kids, this is hard and it makes senses that I am frustrated.
"I am being a bad mom because I am sick of my kid being home with me. I need a break" should not lead to guilt. These are tough times, i
We need to learn to sit with our emotions. If we don't, we learn to stuff it down, self-medicate it etc.
Give words to what you are feeling and give words to our emotions. We need to develop a tolerance for these emotions. Expose yourself to the emotions and allow yourself to be ok with.
Once we can acknowledge it and validate it, then tolerate it, then we need to learn to be mindful.
The relaxation aspect in mindfulness is when you are able to enjoy and escape even when you can't physically escape
It is a universal experience to experience hardship...this is self-compassion.
Regarding mental health, it is about causing significant impairment in multiple areas of functioning.
Many people don't know how to breathe well. They breathe in through their chest rather than their belly. So they are already in a state of hyperactivity (part of the reason why you might lose control of your emotions).
Listen to music, a meditation app, or anything you can use to get you into a relaxed state. Start your day this way, do it in the middle of your day, and end your day this way.
Try this to help improve our mindfulness :
Deep belly breathing
Imagery: Tap into all your senses. Think of your favorite place, smell, sensation, etc.
Progressive muscle tension: be aware of where you are holding your tension.
