What are consequences and how do they work?
Written by Rachelle Hannoush, Licenced Early Childhood Director. Founder of Raising Rooted Leaders.
Do you have family rules that are shared with everyone?
What about family expectations? Expectations that everyone within the house has to follow?
Having rules and expectations and creating them as a family, talking about them, and posting them is a great way to lay the foundation of your home. It helps establish positive relationships, a sense of community, and offers multiple opportunities for parents to model and practice expectations. The more children feel that they belong and that they are valued the more likely they are to value expectations in return (Stormshak et al. 2000). And when those expectations are not followed, kids are able to learn from their mistakes and develop accountability and that is where logical consequences come in.
What are logical consequences?
Consequences are ways in which adults structure learning opportunities for children. Sometimes those consequences come naturally and sometimes adults have to structure them when a natural consequence is not safe.
Logical consequences are neither a punishment nor permission, they help
Engage children in critical thinking and problem solving with adults
Reinstate the limits
Preserve the integrity of the family as a whole
The goal is to help children recover their self-control with guidance and constructive choices.
The Three R’s of Logical Consequences
Respectful
We want to use a respectful tone of voice, speak at eye level and be clear of what our boundary or expectation is.
Relevant
It helps children learn cause and effect.
Example: you cannot have ice cream because you did not clean up your toys. (This is an irrelevant consequence) that comes from a difference discipline approach.
Logical consequence: if the child refuses to clean up the toys the toys get a time out and will not be available next time
Realistic
We have to keep in mind what is developmentally appropriate- what our expectations are and of time frames. We cannot give a consequence something that the child did yesterday. it has to be done right in the moment.With respect, labelling emotions, relevancy and realistic guidelines we can help children understand the consequences of their choices and build their accountability. Those are lifelong skills that children will carry throughout their lifetime, at their schools, their jobs, on their teams, and in any pathway, they go as through life there is always rules and expectations that change as they grow.
Example of Logical Consequences:
Ryan is running all around the house chasing his sister. He grabs an apple and throws it all the way across the living room to get her. The apple crashes and leaves a big mess.
A logical consequence for Ryan would be for him to clean up the mess that the apple made and to replace the apple next time he goes to the grocery store with his family.
When giving the consequence we use the 3 R’s as follows:
We use a RESPECTFUL tone of voice, and talk to the child at eye level, and we reference which boundary or expectation was broken. The consequence given has to be REALISTIC, and RELEVANT. The consequence is relevant to the apple, and the expectation is realistic.
It is important to remember that as adults we are teaching the children these boundaries, consequences and that they are learning. Through modeling, consistency, and support they will learn how to follow expectations with respect and love.
Source : Charney ,Ruth , Teaching children to Care edition.NEFC
Meet Rachelle
I am an Early Childhood Director that runs a Licensed program in the State of Massachusetts that serves up to 80 families yearly
I graduated from Massachusetts College of Pharmacy and Health Sciences with a Nuclear Medicine Degree. Through my internships at Boston Children Hospital and Dana Farber my passion of working with children and family fostered It is then that I decided to go back to school and specialize in Early Childhood Education.
I founded Raising Rooted Leaders with a vision to build a platform that supports families and educators with evidence-based strategies and information!
Throughout my career in Early Childhood Education working with children that demonstrate challenging behaviors has been my passion. I look at these children and see a ray of hope! What skills are they missing? What is their behavior communicating to us? What do we need to change to support them?
Through individualized plans, parent training, and consultation I fill my mission one child a time by helping the family as a whole.