5 ways to improve your parent-child connection through tidying
Written by Ann Dooley, Owner of Simple Joy With Ann, Certified KonMari Organizing Consultant and Certified Parenting Coach. @simplejoywithann
Keeping the house in order can be a daily struggle that puts a strain on the parent-children relationship. In a study by Princeton University Neuroscience Institute, they found that subjects were more productive, less irritable, and not as distracted in clutter-free environments compared to those in disorganization. Wouldn’t it be nice if we can turn to organize our homes into parenting tools to raise cooperative and self-reliant children? It is possible. Here are 5 ways to build a stronger family unit through tidying.
It begins with you
Overwhelm and restlessness make parenting an uphill battle. Start improving family relationships by tidying your items first. Apply the KonMari Method® by keeping only what sparks joy. Thoroughly declutter by category (clothing, books, paper, miscellaneous, and last, sentimental items) to remove anything that doesn't support the physical and emotional wellbeing of you and your partner. Once completed, you’ll have a sanctuary that you can return for a recharge. You feel more capable to manage meltdowns, and handle push backs with more grace. You will also be setting an example of how you take action to fix a problem.
Dig deeper to build respect and problem-solving skills
Open communication is an essential step before tidying with your kids. Resist lecturing the importance of cleaning up. Instead, ask your children to share their vision of a clean room with lots of space to play. Then, invite them to brainstorm to address the cluttered areas. Respecting their input and trying out their ideas will empower your children to stay involved in what they’ve started.
Speak their language for joy and connection
To children, cleaning up signals the end of playtime, which they’ll avoid at all costs. While rewards are effective in the short term, it does not encourage children to become self-motivated. The solution? Turn cleaning up into a fun game or challenge. Encourage them to stay on task by following up with an enjoyable activity such as a little quality time with you.
Replace “Clean up your room!” with specific instructions such as “When you’re done putting away your toys, then we can have a snack together. What would you like to eat?” or “Do you want 30 minutes of choice time after your laundry is folded?”
Building blocks for patience and independence
Establishing new habits takes time. Prioritize 3 age-appropriate skills at a time that you want your children to master. Break them down into simple steps and use visual cues like a checklist to help them stay on track. Motivate and encourage your children through patience and persistence. Even if something is not done perfectly, it’s about establishing good habits. Reinforce the behavior with praise for their actions and contributions to the family.
Using failure to your advantage
Children can become easily discouraged when they make mistakes. Even if you’ve already put in effect the first 4 tips, there’ll be times when the system fails. This might happen when children reach a new developmental milestone and begin to test new boundaries. Or perhaps more things have accumulated over time, making the organization not function as well. Think of these as opportunities to model empathy. Reassure your children that it’s ok to make mistakes and learning takes time. Tell them that you believe in them, and with enough practice, they will get better at it.
Key Takeaway
Tidying and Parenting have a symbiotic relationship. The more effort you put into connecting with your children, the more cooperative they will be when called upon to do their part. And the more you use tidying to problem-solve together, the easier it’ll be to take on other parenting challenges.
Meet Ann
Professional Organizer Ann Dooley founded Simple Joy with Ann in 2017, in Brooklyn, New York. Ann is a mom of 2 boys who specializes in helping families create an orderly and peaceful home while strengthening the parent-child connection through tidying. She does so by combining her experience as a Certified Gold KonMari consultant and a parenting coach. Ann’s work has been featured in Domino Magazine, New York Magazine, and she’s been voted one of the best home organizers in New York by Expertise.com for 3 years in a row.
