Written by Cindy Hovington, Ph.D. Founder of Curious Neuron.

Host of the Curious Neuron Podcast.

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash — Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Potty or toilet training is a developmental milestone that can be challenging for some parents. I asked the Curious Neuron community on Instagram if they had any questions about toilet training and there were so many that I decided to write a full blog post about it! I was curious to see what I would find in the scientific literature. What I learned is that toilet training is indeed complex and that sometimes as parents, we have expectations about this process that are too high. I also learned that there are many ways to toilet train a child but there isn’t necessarily one that is better than the other. It depends on the child since they are all different.

According to research, a child is considered to be completely toilet trained when they are “able to be conscious of their own need to eliminate urine and stools and can initiate the act without being reminded or prepared by parents” (Mota and Barros 2008. Jornal de Pediatria).

Here is what I learned about potty training.

At what age should we begin toilet training our child?

It appears that there is a window of opportunity regarding toilet training. Over the past 60 years, we have been toilet training children later than before. Toilet training used to start before 18 months of age whereas now we start straining closer to 24 months and more serious toilet training is around 28/29 months. According to Mota and Barros (2008. Jornal de Pediatria) toilet training is, on average, considered to be too early if initiated before 18 months of age and too late is started after 36 months (3 years old). However, this doesn’t mean it applies for all children! Remember that every child is different, if your child is 15 months and showing all the rights signs and interest (see below for signs of readiness), then go for it! If your child is older than 3 and they are not showing signs of readiness, then you can work on helping them meet these prerequisites. For this blog post, I will summarize what I learned from reading a few research papers. I hope it help you! (let me know and say hello on Instagram (@curious_neuron) or email me at info@curiousneuron.com.

On average, parents taking part in these research studies seem to start training between 22-30 months (Schum et al. 2002. Pediatrics).

Mota and Barros Paper (2008. Jornal de Pediatria)

How do I know if my child is ready? Signs of readiness.

In some cultures, such as Brazil, toilet training is initiated when the child voices their readiness. Whereas in other cultures, they practice elimination communication which is when you learn to read signs that an infant is urinating or passing stools and even if they are 3 weeks old, you place them on the toilet

There are some “prerequisites” a child needs to have before starting and some researchers urge that pediatritians should emphasize what the signs of readiness is. They need to be independent such that they can walk to the toilet on their own, sit on the toilet, urinate, pull their underwear and pants back up, flush and wash their hands. This requires language skills, motor/physical skills, sensory, neurological and social skills as well. The temperament of a child can also play into their readiness. There are other signs such as asking about using the toilet (showing interest) or letting you know they soiled their diaper (see full list below). At around 18 months, you can start modelling how to use the toilet and engaging them to spark their interest. This is part of the process! However, keep in mind that most children will show signs of readiness closer to 24 months (Schum et al. Pediatrics 2002). The earliest skill, according to Schum and colleagues is not having a bowel movement at night. The last skill to acquire is being able to wipe themselves after a bowel movement.

Image from Dr. Choby and Dr. George, American Family Physician 2008.(see below to read full article)

Read article by Dr. Choby and Dr. George in American Family Physician 2008

Consistency is key.

“One in every five children will go through a period during their toilet training when they refuse to go to the bathroom.”

— Mota and Barros 2008. Jornal de Pediatria

Some studies show that children are more successful when training at daycare. This is because some day care educators have set times for toilet time are very consistent. When a child goes home and the training environment completely changes it can be confusing to them. Maintaining a rigid schedule to use the toilet seems to be beneficial when starting to train a child who may not know exactly when it is time to use the toilet. More importantly, if your child is following a different type of training at their grandparents house, at daycare and at home, this can lead to longer durations for training. Have everyone on board to follow the same methods.

What to avoid when toilet training your child.

There are a few things that were clear in the scientific literature. A parents opinions and concerns related to toilet training can have a huge impact on toilet training. Although some children might train quickly (1 study mentioned that it could be done in just 9 hours), the average time to toilet train is about 2-3 months. When a parent has unrealistic expectations or feels that they are a failing at teaching their child to use the toilet, then there appears to be higher chances of frustration, punishment, negligence, or lack of stimulation). Some studies have shown that many children are forced to learn when they are not biologically ready which can set the child back since they feel overwhelmed and might even get punished for not succeeding. An added stress such as being disciplined for not peeing or passing stools in the toilet could become a major setback. Any stress associated with the toilet can cause a child to hold it in, which may then lead to urinary tract infections or constipation. Also, always do your best to avoid getting upset at a child for having an accident. This can cause embarrassment, shame and stress. This can also cause toilet training to take longer or cause a setback if they were using the toilet and had an accident. Stressful situations such as the arrival of a new baby, moving into a new house, or abuse in the home can also cause a set back or delay.

Girls vs boys…there is a difference!

I thought this was a myth but it isn’t! Boys appear to toilet train a few months later than girls (only about 2-3 months). This seems to linked to maturation in areas such as language, dressing and undressing, as well as following orders (Schum et al. 2002. Pediatrics).

Read full article comparing gender here

Potty vs Toilet. Using the right one might make a difference for your child.

If your child is sitting on the potty or toilet but is struggling with urinating or passing stools, they might not be in the correct position. Some research agrees that the potty is not at the right hight for all children and that the best way to be in the right position to urinate or pass stools is by being on a regular toilet with a seat and a small step for children to rest their feet on. If their feet are hanging it can cause them to contract the wrong muscles.

Bottom Line…Start with small steps early on and follow your child’s lead!

Each child will have their own rhythm when it comes to toilet training given that each child’s development is unique. When they are around 18 months, follow their lead and start with very small steps (just introducing it to them without any expectations). If they have an older sibling, show them how they are using the toilet. If they don’t have one, you can model this for them. Keep a potty near you or ask them if they want to sit on it after you do. There is no need to stress urination or passing stools at this point. Just get them familiar with the toilet. Help them develop the language around it so that they can learn to express a need to go. Below are various training methods people have used. See which one meets your child’s best interest as well as yours. There really isn’t a “right way” to do it. Trust yourself and follow your child’s lead. Lastly, as a mom of 3 young kids….there will be pee on your floor (on a good day) at some point and thats ok!