Scheduling for the Win! How to create a family schedule that will make everyone happy
Written by Marlene Spence, Child Behaviour Specialist, Parenting Coach
Visit www.rewardum.com and www.marlenespence.com for more details.
For more details about the visual schedule in this picture visit www.rewardum.com
“Parenting during a pandemic”, I am flipping through all my parenting books and I can’t find this chapter anywhere. We're the parents who are expected to always know what to do, but I think all parents will agree they need a lot of guidance on how to navigate our way through this Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic. The societal need to maintain ourselves quarantined has caused schools and non-essential workplaces to close, some indefinitely. We are now expected to work, parent, entertain, and homeschool full-time. I mean, as parents, we've learned how to multitask like a boss, but this is next-level! So, what are busy, exhausted, and overwhelmed parents to do? One way to help your family keep it all together is to consider making a family schedule.
Why develop a schedule?
Routines provide the structure we desperately need, especially now that our lives have been disrupted. In such uncertain times, following a schedule enforces familiarity -- especially for our kids. In the article "The Importance of Creating Habits and Routine", by Arlinghaus et al. 2018 (American Journal of Lifestyle Medicine) they found that adhering to family routines has been identified as important for family resilience during times of crisis."
In my 21-year career as a Parent and Child Behavior Coach, founder of Cornerstone Family Services, and mom of two (ages 8 and 11), I've learned that schedules and boundaries help children feel secure. Knowing what is expected and when is especially beneficial to all children including children with special needs, anxiety, and ADHD. Here are a few tips on how you can create your family schedule:
1. Be Realistic
Despite the ornate colour-coded schedules, featuring elaborate crafts and science experiments, that are surely popping up on your social media feeds, there's no need to stress yourself out replicating these things to ensure success. Take the pressure off and keep it simple. Focus on what works best for your family's well-being.
According to Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart, parenting coach, author, speaker, Pediatric Psychologist, and owner of A New Day Pediatrics in San Antonio, Texas, "If your kids do well with a more structured schedule, then create one. If they do better with more unstructured time, then do that instead. Whatever works for you and your child, do that."
2. Involve the Kids
For more details about the visual re-stickable schedule in this picture visit www.rewardum.com
This is what I believe is the key to success. Work together with your child in the schedule-making process. This simple act gives kids a sense of ownership and empowerment. In other words, it relays the message that their ideas matter and that we're all part of the same team.
Consider giving them age-appropriate leeway with the daily/weekly itinerary and its order sequencing. For example, they share their opinions on which subjects/activities/chores to do, what time to do them or both. Another example is to offer them a food choice (that you're comfortable with) and allow them to decide what they'd prefer to eat that day. These collaborative efforts are more likely to cultivate positive experiences for both parties.
3. Plan Ahead
Plan ahead by gathering all pertinent materials the night before. Get the kids involved in the preparation. For instance, they can aid in setting up all supplies and materials. Develop work/activity stations that will engage the children and require little to no help from you. For example, a sensory station might include Play-Doh or Kinetic Sand. A creative station might have magnetic tiles or Legos. Other things the kids could choose: puzzles, board games, journaling, reading, playing in the backyard, or screen time.
While they're engaged, work on checking/replying to emails, starting lunch/dinner or a load of laundry, or just as a much-needed break for yourself.
4. Make Schedules Visual
““If your kids do well with a more structured schedule, then create one. If they do better with more unstructured time, then do that instead. Whatever works for you and your child, do that.””
Place your children's age-appropriate schedules where it's easily visible for them to reference throughout the day -- eliminating redundancy. For instance, a toddler's visual schedule should largely consist of pictures, while school-aged children should have a mixture of words and pictures. The goal is that they know what to expect and when. They can easily refer to their visual schedule when they are unsure of what is coming up next instead of nagging or repeatedly asking you if it’s ipad time.
For more details about the visual schedule in this picture visit www.rewardum.com
This philosophy served as the impetus for me creating Reward'um™, the first re-stickable routine and chore chart that will tell your kids what to do WITHOUT saying a word, as I like to describe it. Just choose from any of the wide range of tasks/activities featured within a pack, peel, and stick onto any hard surface (wall, bathroom mirror, workspace, etc) and watch your child begin to follow the new family schedule.
Remember, routines are meant to simplify life, but it isn't an end-all-be-all. Be flexible. If you find that things aren't working out as planned, you're welcome to make any necessary changes. Extend grace to your family and yourself. We're all trying to do the best we can and that is enough.
About the Author
Marlene Spence is a Child Behaviour Specialist, Parenting Coach, Founder of Cornerstone Family Services and the Creator of Reward’um™, the first re-stickable routine chart for families. In the past 21 years, she has used her extensive knowledge of Applied Behaviour Analysis to inspire and impact the lives, attitudes and behaviours of students and educators within 200 classrooms and create happy, OMG, proud parent moments with over 500 families. She is committed to providing programs, services, and products that empower parents to raise responsible, independent, confident and happy kids despite their challenges or diagnoses. Marlene Spence is a wife and mother of 2 energetic, playful kids that challenge her every day to remain calm and responsive instead of erratic and reactive.