Why should a dad help during the night when he works?
Written by Tom Piccirilli, creator of The Dad Vibes. Follow on Instagram @the.dad.vibes
Waking up with your child during the night can be tough, it’s exhausting and it’s hard to function after a sleepless night. But which parent should wake up during the night? Based on the feedback I’ve received, it’s assumed the parent in paid work deserves their sleep, and the parent “staying home” should be the one getting up with their child, after all, they have the luxury of not working, right?
Hmm, this is debatable and a great example why parents need to communicate more often. Of course, some jobs require you to be well rested, if you’re a doctor or even a teacher looking after a class of 30 kids, a full night's sleep is preferable. But for many of us, myself included, work can be the break you need in order to recharge and enjoy the simple things that are often difficult to achieve when caring for a little one, such as a peaceful visit to the bathroom or drinking a hot coffee.
As magical as the experience is, there’s no denying that being a new mother can be tough at times, especially when your partner returns to work once their paternity leave has ended (if they were lucky enough to take one at all), days can be long with very little time for yourself. You need to feed, burp and carry out endless nappy changes, you need to try and get them off for regular naps, and that’s all before you’ve even considered getting out of the house for some fresh air. So after a long 12 hour day with little break, to be expected to parent through night before you do it all the next day can be hard, especially if your partner isn’t appreciating the difficulties that come with new motherhood.
Let’s take a little look at the perks a working parent may enjoy day to day...
Perk #1 – You get to visit the bathroom when you want (and in peace)
When you’re at home with your baby this isn’t a luxury you have. Your little one may need feeding, maybe they’re upset, or maybe they’re being rocked to sleep, therefore going to the bathroom often has to wait. It may even be that the baby is napping on you and you’re finally having a moment to yourself, so staying sat down is preferable for fear of waking your baby.
Perk #2 – Social interaction
Yes, when you’re at work it’s likely you get to talk to other human beings as and when you want. People address you by your actual name and you aren’t known simply as “mummy” or “daddy”. If you’re at home caring for your baby you may go days without seeing anyone. Getting out and about with a baby can be extremely difficult at times. Maybe the baby just isn’t feeling it today, getting them changed may be a struggle, the pram may cause a meltdown or maybe they don’t want to sit in the car seat. Or quite simply, maybe mummy doesn’t have the motivation or energy to get out and about today.
Perk #3 - Daily structure
When caring for a baby there are very few breaks. Daily routine can be a struggle with minutes, hours and even days merging into one. Appreciate the luxury of being able to take a lunch break when you want, you can grab a hot coffee, have a chat with a colleague, maybe even listen to some music, and generally just take some time for yourself to do as you wish.
It’s all about communication
Every situation is unique, every parent is different and some people cope with the lack of sleep better than others. In the early days I was able to get the majority of the sleep, my wife was breastfeeding on demand and I took the reins from 5am whilst my wife rested. We communicated often and if my wife was feeling exhausted I’d often wake to tackle all of the non-feeding duties, burping, rocking back to sleep, etc...
Therefore the one thing that is so important for new parents is communication, take time to talk to each other and understand how the other is feeling about the current nighttime schedule, it will allow you to find a solution that works for you both. One should never assume that the other is going to be the sole parent taking care of things during the night. It’s so difficult if we’re parenting from a place of exhaustion, it can mean that we are often much more reactive to difficult situations that may arise. By communicating and ensuring both parents share the nighttime duties, parents can be much more rational and responsive while parenting throughout the day, this has huge benefits for not only the parents but your baby too.
And just as a final comment, being responsive to the needs of your baby during the night can be very rewarding. It gives you and your partner an opportunity to develop a sense of teamwork, it also allows you to spend more quality time with your baby and grow in confidence as a parent. So take the time to talk, communicate with each other and find a nighttime parenting schedule that works for you, your partner and your family.
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Meet the Author
I’m passionate about all things positive and respectful parenting. I created The Dad Vibes in May of 2020 to start opening the conversation of respectful parenting with dads. I discuss topics that historically we haven’t really talked about, responding to toddler meltdowns, supporting breastfeeding mothers, the importance of attachment and being responsive to the needs of our little ones, and generally focusing on age-appropriate behaviour and development.
I live in the countryside in the UK with my wife, our 2.5 year old, and our dog and cat. As a family we spend most of our time walking around the grounds of our local castle which is a stone's throw from our house. I’m passionate about all things web design and development and I have a First Class Honours Degree in Computing.
I’m really enjoying sharing parenting-related content and have been overwhelmed with the response so far, so feel free to head over to @the.dad.vibes and say hi.