Mindfulness: an approach to better self-esteem and mental health for children and teenagers


Montreal, Canada


“The surest way to become Tense, Awkward, and Confused is to develop a mind that tries too hard - one that thinks too much.” 
― Benjamin Hoff, The Tao of Pooh

What is mindfulness?

 Mindfulness is a state, and a process, of present moment, non-judgemental awareness of one’s self and one’s emotions, thoughts, and sensations. It is often referred to as mindful meditation – it’s a way to meditate and a strategy for calming a busy mind. Mindfulness and mindful meditation are terms that have become popular, both at work, at school, at home, and in the media.   

Also, the use of ‘mindfulness’ as an intervention approach is more and more prevalent in clinical and mental health settings.  In most psychological and neuropsychological approaches, mindfulness is a type of intervention and a type of meditation.  These interventions are also increasingly popular in school settings as a way to help students relax, focus, and even improve concentration.  In other words, using meditation, yoga or other mindfulness-based interventions are prominent these days because research has suggested that they help with improving learning and understanding and with positive self-esteem and well-being.


What is a mindfulness-based intervention?

“Meditation is not passive sitting in silence.  It is sitting in awareness, free from distraction, and realizing the clear understanding that arises from concentration” – Thich Nhat Hanh

It’s important to mention that meditation and mindfulness are rooted in a Buddhist spiritual process that is over 2500 years old.  In the last 25 years, Western interpretations and particularly clinical practices have focused on the cognitive (the way we think, reason, remember) and behavioural (the way we act) benefits and impacts of mindfulness in a non-religious way.  The Buddhist techniques and concept of mindfulness has been adapted as a clinical intervention to reduce stress and help with emotional regulation, but it is still based on the idea of training the mind to reduce distress, to find a personal sense of authenticity (self-awareness), to relate better with one’s self and with others, and to experience more positive emotions.


Because of this new-found interest in a rather ancient practice, there are several research studies hoping to understand why and how this practice can be helpful.  According to a 2018 analysis in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, mindfulness-based interventions do have a demonstrated and positive impact on mental health and well-being of children. Some researchers have been able to show how practicing mindfulness affects the brain processes.  They describe mindfulness as a way to cultivate a skill set to be better able to understand one’s self. 


And this goes for children and teens too.  For example, a kid who is not usually into sports might be worried about looking silly in gym class.  That worry might be more intense if she also feels bad about herself for feeling worried. That assumption is called a negative and biased sense of self. Because of it, she might retreat, isolate herself, become quiet, or feel very anxious and act out.  Mindful interventions could aim to help train her mind to be aware of her emotions, thoughts, and actions in the present moment.  And in mindfulness, no emotion is either good or bad.  It just is.  That is part of the ‘non-judgemental acceptance’. The neuroscience research has shown that mindfulness interventions can help to ‘re-wire’ the way negative biases about one’s self, and the resulting emotions, actions, and thoughts, are expressed.


What do mindfulness-interventions with kids look like?


Mindfulness-based interventions can be incorporated into meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, activities such as colouring or blowing bubbles, or combined with more complex psychological intervention strategies to improve well-being and social and academic functioning.  Mindfulness strategies can include helping a child place all her attention on an object (such as the breath) to avoid distraction and help with focus.  Training the mind to stay focused on the breath can eventually help with sustained concentration, but also with noticing distractions (these can be noises or events, and also feelings) and not getting lured into thinking or acting on them immediately.


Mindfulness and kindness

“Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness” – Dalai Lama

This neuroscience study also talks about the ancient Buddhist meditation practice of using the breath as a process of ‘give and take’.  The authors talk about  taking in suffering (or distress) with the inhale and giving back love, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness with the exhale.  In other words, the act of breathing can be a way to focus and help a child learn to be friendly, kind and forgiving to herself and to others.  That might mean becoming friendly to experiences and emotions that she usually thinks are negative, like gym class, or like feeling worried.


5 tips to starting your kids on a mindful journey

Here are some basic starting tips that I’ve used with my kids to help create a mindful, kind and accepting vibe at home.  This would also work at school!

I do meditate, but only one of my three kids is into that at the moment.  I won’t push it.  Remember, meditation is just one way to be mindful!


1.     Start slow and simple. Words are so powerful, so slowly adjust the language used.  Talk about noticing how you are feeling and what you are thinking.  Then encourage your kids do to the same, not just in times of stress or anxiety, but in the everyday.  At home, I usually incorporate this into cooking together (notice how this sauce tastes!)  or walking the dog (look at how that tree has bloomed!). 


2.     Focus on the good stuff. This is sometimes referred to as gratitude or thankfulness.  This can be fostered through helping others and saying thank you.  My kids’ daycare had a system where every day a different child was the ‘helping hand’.  The kid’s all looked forward to their turn to have this role which consisted of helping the teacher wipe the tables and serve milk or water glasses.  It’s also about noticing the good stuff, without necessarily discounting the bad. For example, if my older son comes home from school soaking wet after a  rainy walk home, I might acknowledge that it is certainly no fun to be wet and cold, but I’ll help him redirect his awareness and his reaction towards focusing on the warm home and delicious meal he has come back to.   Sometimes it can be as simple and silly as sharing outloud gratitude for taken for granted aspects of our lives such as heated homes, or a new school playground, or potable water!


3.     Breathe together.  This one is especially helpful with my daughter who has trouble calming her mind at bed.  We each put a hand on her belly and I talk to her about focusing on her belly getting big when she breathes in and on it going back to normal when she breathes out.  When days are tough or stressful we count the in breath and the out breath 3 times together.  On other nights, she likes to do this using prompts from my meditation app.  These exercises took time and practice to learn, so it’s ok if the first several times it doesn’t feel like it is ‘working’ for you and your child. This can also be done during the day and teachers can take a ‘mindful minute’ with students of all ages to focus on a few breaths when transitioning into new activities. 


4.     Name that emotion and name that sensation.  This is the next step up from noticing. I’ll often turn to myself, and to my kids, and say “tell me what’s going on now.  What are you feeling”.  The answers might be I’m frustrated, or I’m happy.  They could include physical sensation like I feel my heart pounding, or I feel butterflies in my stomach.  Being aware of how we experience different emotions, and then what those emotions or sensations might be telling us, is part of establishing a mindful routine.


Other things that I do, or my kids now do, in a ‘mindful’ way include stretching, taking walks, or taking a time out of several breaths.  My older daughter now notices when she needs to clear her head and will often ask to walk the dog or ride her bike alone to do that.


Mindfulness is a state and a process.  It’s an intervention, but it can also be a personal and family practice.  And that means that it takes time to get used to being mindful.  It’s best to start when things aren’t in crisis mode because it is hard to learn and ‘re-train’ the brain in those moments. 


Bringing a mindful approach into life through lots of different activities can take time but can help reduce the intensity of a crisis or difficult situation.


Here are some great resources for more information:





Debunking Classroom Neuromyths

Written by Saskia Kwan, M.Ed. Knowledge Translation Program Lead at Ontario Brain Institute

Toronto, Canada

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Public interest in brain research has increased over the past decade. We are slowly gaining a better understanding of how the brain works, and its implications in everyday life. Importantly, what we learn about the brain has implications in education, as the brain is crucial for learning and teaching. Unfortunately, brain research can often be misunderstood, misinterpreted, or exaggerated. We call these misconceptions neuromyths.


Similar to urban myths, neuromyths sound believable and logical, but their origin can rarely be pinpointed, and they lack any credibility. Despite growing scientific evidence refuting them, neuromyths have persisted and made their way into our homes, classrooms, and everyday life.

Here are some popular neuromyths, and why we should refute them.  

1.     Myth: Students have preferred “learning styles” (e.g. visual, auditory, kinesthetic) and learn best when taught through that style.

In reality: There is no evidence that teaching to a student’s specific “learning style” leads to improved learning. While students do differ from each other in their learning, decades of research have failed to provide any proof that matching a specific mode of teaching to a specific student leads to better learning and school achievement. Rather, we should match the style of teaching to the content and offer multiple different ways for a student to engage with the content. Imagine trying to learn algebra exclusively through an audiobook, because you were labeled an “auditory” learner!


2.     Myth: People are “left-brained” or “right-brained”, either using the left rational and analytical half of the brain more often or using the right creative half of the brain more often.

In reality: Research shows no evidence to support the idea that we favour one side of our brain over the other. Although there are some differences between the two sides, we are constantly using both sides of our brain. In fact, the two sides of the brain are heavily connected and continuously exchanging information back and forth. There are some functions that rely more heavily on one side of the brain over the other, for example areas crucial for language are usually (but not always) on the left side of the brain. However, these side “preferences” have largely been exaggerated for other functions. We know very little about complex functions such as creativity and rationality, and even less about what areas of the brain are crucial for these functions.


3.     Myth: You only use 10% of your brain.

In reality: You use your whole brain. Through brain imaging techniques that have allowed us to visualize brain function, researchers are able to see that the various areas of your brain are constantly engaged and active. Researchers have a long way to go to understand how the whole brain works, but there’s no research to suggest that the average person uses less than their whole brain in any given day, and absolutely no research to suggest we are only using one-tenth of it! It is also worth noting that using our whole brain doesn’t mean we can’t learn something new. Your brain has the incredible ability to learn, adapt, and change throughout your lifespan by altering connections and pathways between brain cells, a concept called neuroplasticity.

If you believed these neuromyths, you are not at fault. Neuromyths have become so prevalent they appear in books, movies, and even teacher preparation courses. But we must fight against them, because decisions based on myths can hinder a child’s learning and development. Although well intentioned, these neuromyths end up limiting our young learners from all they can do.




Supporting school-aged children in recognizing and managing their emotions


Montreal, Canada


Life is a journey, with each developmental stage posing a new set of challenges and opportunities for all people. According to the Canadian Pediatric Society’s website, childhood development is a time when your child will reach many milestones, and not necessarily at the same time as other friends or neighbours. All children are different and may hit milestones at different times. These milestones, or skills, include language, cognition, motor skills, and social skills. 

Social skills include: developing self-esteem and self-knowledge, connecting with others, responding to others with empathy, and working together. 

Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you’re in diapers; the next day you’re gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. 
— The Wonder Years

As of the age of 5, most children will spend a significant amount of time during their childhood in the context of a school setting.  For many children, this is a time filled with complex emotions such as excitement, anxiety, fear, shame, pride and joy.  Often, a child might experience these emotions in the same day. 


The richness of the human experience is anchored in the expression of a full range of emotions. However, when these emotions are confusing, scary, and overwhelming, children tend to engage in a fight or flight scenario.  When this happens, parents and teachers might observe that  muscles tense up, the child’s temperature rises, she might cry or scream, and she might recoil or act out. 

The role of developmental stages in understanding social and emotional needs 

In order to properly interpret her behaviour and help a child learn how to regulate her emotions (otherwise known as co-regulation), we need to understand not just the specific emotions, context, and personality of the child, but the overall developmental stage that the child is in.

According to a 2017 report on child and adolescent development focused on school-based health promotion and prevention , child development is driven in large part by three main spheres: their cognitive, socioemotional, and physical development.  For example, according to the 2017 public health report, the recognition and expression of emotional regulation is part of socioemotional development whereas logical reasoning and moral aptitude (or the development of the ‘self’ and how ‘to be’ in society) is part of cognitive development.

Entering the School System

When children typically enter into the mainstream school system at age 4 or 5, the adjustment to interacting with so many people outside of the family puts the socioemotional development into turbo drive.  They start to learn what actions and attitudes are considered acceptable or unacceptable to their peers and teachers.


This is a stage where learning to use words to describe simple emotions can help them express themselves during social interactions and is a first step (for children and adults across the lifespan!) to developing the skills to manage emotions.  This naming of emotions can also help children develop empathy by recognizing those same emotions in others and responding in consequence.  In this way, the seeds of cooperation are sown. 

It is important at this stage to help children learn how to resolve their conflicts by demonstrating the language, attitude, and actions necessary to manage their emotions and nurture their relationship with themselves and with others. You can also help them learn others’ non-verbal cues or recognize emotional responses in themselves and others.

By the time a child is 6 or 7, she typically needs support in understanding the complexity of emotions.  For example, when my 6 year old daughter didn’t get chosen to help the teacher in class, she was visibly upset when I picked her up after school.  By creating the time and space for her to use her words to talk to me about her feelings (this sometimes includes me naming emotions to start building her ‘emotional vocabulary’) we both learned that she was happy for her close friend who did get chosen, but also upset that it wasn’t her. Validating these conflicting emotions is vital in developing self-esteem and self-confidence. Then talking about how to act or respond to these emotions is part of supporting her emotional regulation through co-regulation.

Kids typically need support in continuing to develop positive relationships with others, with themselves, and with the world around them.  At this stage, this might be through recognizing their contribution in the classroom or at home, and the contribution of others, and then finding appropriate ways to express their emotions and points of view.


Older children begin to internalize rules and norms

 Once kids are in the older grades of primary school (ages 9-12) their socioemotional developmental stage is intertwined with their ability to reason and problem-solve (this is a cognitive process).  Typically, friendships start to take an important place, although this depends on the family and cultural context.  By the age of 12 most children will internalize rules (this means that they will act in a certain way not just because an adult might reward or punish them, but because they have decided for themselves that a set of rules is important, or not).


The socioemotional development of kids in school at this age is particularly affected by their increased understanding that not everyone thinks or feels the same way.  As parents, teachers, and caregivers we can continue to support them by co-regulating emotions such as anger and frustration and by reminding them of the actions they can take in the event of conflicts.  Supporting and promoting the acceptance of two-way relationships, such as the importance of both offering and accepting help and identifying and resisting negative influences, can also support children at this stage.


Understanding the developmental stage of the child can help us respond and support her valuable emotions in a way that makes sense for her age, her individual path in reaching a developmental milestone, and for her life context.  This is also vital to her cognitive and physical development – her eventual ability to create a healthy lifestyle for herself, feel connected to herself through self-knowledge and self-esteem, and feel connected to the world and to others through cooperation and nurturing relationships.